Structure & Art.

I have realised how much I need structure to let my Art flourish.

I need space blocked out. I need boundaries and a schedule for freedom to happen.

I need fences around my time. Lines drawn. Structures placed.

I have found that with too much time, the little creative creature that lives in my brain is released to do whatever it wants.

What it wants is to stare off into space and not come back. It wants to wander the field picking daisies. Jumping into puddles, fighting dragons, going back and forth in time, weaving spells. It wants to climb towers and swim oceans and it won’t be recalled no matter how hard I try. All of these bring inspiration for sure, but it will not sit still long enough for me to make anything concrete out of it.

The little imp will try and try but everything else is too wonderful, too exciting, too distracting. I say, “Come sit here and help me create this new art series that I have the tendrils of” and it responds with “Just one more minute, I am in a kingdom in the clouds and I don’t want to come back yet”. So it wanders off and leaves me bereft.

I say, “Sit with me, help me write, I want to get this done” and it says, “Hang on, I am meeting with strangers in a tavern. I am reading books about life and love. Don’t call me back just yet.” So I wait and wait and wait and the day starts to pass me by.

But with the fence posts up, it stays. The little creature says “I have only so much time now, I will sit with you.” it brings me ideas about music and art. The way life is woven into the tapestry of creating. It brings me little gifts of titles to write stories about, it sends me images to make. It draws up stories from the well. From its treasured collection, it hands them to me in little packages and asks me to unwrap them.

It sounds cruel to pen the little creature in, but if I don’t, it runs free and leaves me on my own. Empty and without inspiration. It leaves me with little nuggets of gold but won’t stay long enough to watch me turn it into something tangible. It leaves me with words and phrases but no time to string together sentences. No time to turn them into paragraphs of meaning.

So I look for things that will fill up my time. Force the little imp to the page and the lens. I say you have errands to run today, so all you have is the time on the bus to and from the city to make something. Or you only have two hours before the sun sets to do something because I’ve scheduled dinner with a friend, a workout or something else that requires my time. So the desperation kicks in. I have to remain tuned into what is happening if not I miss it and the day leaves me.

I used to wish for all the time in the world to create. Long days filled with inspiration. Time to read and get lost in the pages. To then surface and take my time creating. But now that I know myself a little more, I know how much that does not work for me. As a human being, I don’t sit and rest easily. It is a romantic notion but one that does not work well for me and the little creature in my brain. We like movement, action, structure and boundaries. And so it shall have it.