Self Portraits
That is the question, isn't it? Why self-portraits? Well, for a little bit of context and background. I decided to start this business/creative journey in 2020 at the height of the pandemic. Because I apparently don’t like it when life is easy or simple. Everyone was locked indoors, we had a 5km or 10km radius rule here in Sydney and I had no one near enough to me to be a model/muse for me. So I had to start somewhere. I was the only one in the house and I want to be a portrait photographer. So we have to make it make sense. So who else was going to get in front of the camera but me?
More background to this story is that I as a human being, do not like having my photo taken. I don’t like it when friends say “Come on, pose here, I’ll take your photo” when on a night out. I don’t do those “fit check” photos. Just no photos for me in general. Weird and yet normal for a lot of people out there. So when I say that getting in front of that camera so that I could practice and learn and grow my photography skills, was the hardest thing ever, you best believe that it was. I did not know how to pose myself, my body, my face, and my hands. I had to spend hours staring at my own face and body while I was editing.
It was a full frontal collision with myself and it was the most uncomfortable and vulnerable thing I had to do.
As the story goes, the more I did it, the more that I hated it (I know, plot twist). The more I wanted to get anyone, everyone, someone else in front of my camera. The more I yearned to have someone else be the focus. Then my wish came. The lockdown lifted, my lovely friends were willing to be in front of my camera and I carried on and thought nothing more of the self-portraits. I was happy to be practicing and shooting and learning how to pose people, and how to get the shots that I wanted.
Its 2021 and I am now getting serious about this business. About this creative baby, I am trying to birth into the world. I am deciding who and what I want to shoot. The kinds of services I want to provide, the kind of art I want to create with people, for people. Then I suddenly realize, that far be it for me to ask things of people that I can’t even do myself. I can’t ask these wonderful humans that come to me to be vulnerable and open in front of the camera, to sit in that uncomfortable feeling, and to push past it when I can’t even do it myself.
Now I am not saying that every photographer has to be in front of the camera. They don't have to be comfortable in front of the camera just to relate to their clients. But I am just saying that this is how my brain works. If I am to honor what they have to go through, then I should also be able to do it.
Side note: it also helps to shoot self-portraits when you want to take pictures but you have no one. You won’t have to confuse people with weird creative requests and positions when you can just do them yourself. It is weird but effective.
So what have I learned so far when it comes to taking self-portraits? Firstly, I am still the most awkward potato when it comes to taking photos and that is a-okay with me. Also, I am thankful no one sees how weird I am when I take my self-portraits. Secondly, self-portraits to me now are like coming home to myself. It's where I go to flex all my creative muscles, where I go to just be creative, to try new things, and explore what I can bring to my clients. It’s where I go when I need to get something out of myself.
